Reality Show Bonanza!

SERIOUSLY - there are about 5 billion reality shows about absolutely everything (or NOTHING - when you think about it) these days...

- Shows about whiny teenagers (The Hills, Laguna Beach, 16 and Pregnant, etc -- all MTV shows?)
- Shows about people losing weight (Biggest Loser, Work out, Extreme Makeover: Weight Loss Edition, etc)
- Shows about people finding love (Bachelor, Bachelorette, Love in the Wild, etc)
- Shows about people risking their lives by performing ridiculous stunts (Big Brother, Survivor, etc)
- Shows about being stranded on deserted islands (Same as above + more)
- Shows about being rich (Real Housewives...)
- Shows about plastic surgery (Real Housewives...)
- Shows about celebrity lives (Um, really Paris, another show coming out about your life? The Simple Life was pretty hysterical - but I think Nicole is what made it funny... OKAY FINE I will watch an episode only because you told me I was really pretty when I met you!)
- Shows about.... yeah you get it!

Well yesterday I went hiking in Malibu with a guided tour (HIKES & BIKES LA)... and well, we (my mother and I... and of course the guide) were filmed for a reality show. Ha! Really, a reality show about hiking?

Actually, I am not entirely sure the show was 100% hiking cause that would be more dull than staring at a pile of shit... I actually think the show has something to do with starting a new company and wanting it to EXPLODE into the next "big thing" in outdoor sports and what not.

Any ways, it was fun filming, I was totally down with it (because I secretly want a reality show all to myself! ha ha ha ha) and I totally whooped my mom's ass (and this other dude... yeah, just envision another dude... you get it) when we had to climb up this FEROCIOUS sand dune five times. BOOO YA - My cardio for 2 hours a day comes in handy!! Screw all of you who think I am a complete nut job -HA HA, just kidding - cause I totally am!

So when will this be airing and on what network? Well apparently it will be on BRAVO this FALL but I will certainly keep you posted as the air date nears....

Hm, could I put this on my resume as experience? ha ha ha ha ha ha!

SFHIEURHGFJESIFHRPIAEHSFILBRSIDFMLASWRJDDKFE!

So random things get thrown around my head constantly.... Here goes.

- You should really stop eating tin foil GiGi, even if it tastes delicious. Iron!
- I really do like when it is cloudy and rains outside because I don't feel guilty for being inside.
- Kinda sad about that Panda dying... it was 35 years old though, wonder how many years that is in Panda?
- I wish that damn check I got yesterday from the Jewish Foundation in San Francisco yesterday for $2,800 was real.
- If only it were that easy to get paid.
- My tea is freaking delicious right now, but definitely NOT as good as White Chocolate Kisses.
- I should brush my teeth again. I love the minty feeling.
- My damn laundry machine is so loud and takes for ever.
- Mt. Everest and K2 are slowly eroding (ha! I only know what that means!)
- My mom is coming to visit in a week, woo woo!
- Oh I cannot wait for Thanksgiving, TURKEY!
- Speaking of Turkey, last year at this time my family and I were GOING TO TURKEY (the country)
- I want to chew a piece of gum.
- Why in the world is my WORDS WITH FRIENDS game so dead today?
- Arnold S. is a man slut
- Who isn't a man slut these days? Answer me that!
- I have no desire to go to the beach right now - well not shit, it's raining.
- Sharks are freaking terrifying!
- Yeah, that's why I am scared of water.... I do shower however.
- I wonder what time it is in Mozambique right now
- Dammit, I wanna ride a giraffe.
- I also want to tame hippos and form a traveling circus.
- Wait, no I don't.

SFHIEURHGFJESIFHRPIAEHSFILBRSIDFMLASWRJDDKFE!!!!!
(EXACTLY!)

The Great Rift Valley in the US

So the other day I was looking in the mirror (wait, I do that everyday, duh!) and I couldn't help but notice this SEXY... yes very sexy wrinkle on my forehead. Just popped in to say "hey!"

But wait, it's not leaving, so yeah, it has taken up residence... it now no longer looks sexy.

Considering I want to get into TV hosting and be plastered (ha, nice verb for the subject matter, right?) on posters, magazine, TV screens, etc (yeah, I know airbrushing can take care of this effing Great Rift Valley on my forehead) I thought... "hm, what about botox? I mean I am almost 24... and starlets these days are getting it done as young as age 14," yeah I am looking at you... Hillary Duff - I know your secrets!

I explained my "FIASCO" to my mother but she of course told me to wait... she hasn't seen me in almost 5 months so really she has no idea how much this bad boy (I would spank you if I could?) has grown.




But how on earth can I wait now after reading that a damn EIGHT YEAR OLD had botox!!!! ARE YOU KIDDING ME? That's just ridiculous, I AM SORRY... Actually no, I am not sorry because blimey (dipping into some British lingo, yes) that is just preposterous! (ha ha, had to continue). Apparently we are never too young to mess with our looks although this story has made me come to the conclusion that I don't want to alter my face. I happen to like my nose. Ha.

I have to be frank though... I have actually never really had the desire to EVER get botox, it was more of a joke than anything... I mean when the time comes MAYBE but right now, nah, gotta flaunt what I have got... and I mean, I have ALWAYS wanted to go to Africa, so having a little bit of it on my forehead is almost as if I am there (when I close my eyes I see Rafiki and Mufasa!).

Mommy Shout Out!

This day is a little sad.

I haven't seen my mom since early January. This is the l o n g e s t I have gone without seeing her. Luckily she will be visiting me at the end of the month (although she is coming to help me with as I get a very invasive procedure done where I need to get DRUGGED - so that is not exactly the most fun time to spend with her, ha ha) but I cannot help but feel a TAD bit sad today as everyone else is eating brunch/lunch/dinner with their mothers... or are doing other fun activities.

My day with my mom will come though!

I love you so much mom. I could seriously ramble on and on about why I love you so very much. I mean, you gave me life, you tell me like it is (no sugar coating), you listen to everything I say and offer advice, yadda, yadda (my mom doesn't read this blog so really I am just writing this to remind myself, ha ha, and really I can just talk to myself). Pretty much what I want to say is...

I LOVE YOU MOMMY!!!!! 

I will try my hardest to make you proud of me.

MiMi, Je t'adore! (MiMi is my grandmother, whom I actually JUST CALLED - go me! PS: She is French... wait, my whole family is... but I am always reminded when I talk to her or my grandfather because they still have VERY thick accents even though they moved to the states... uh, a long ass time ago. More power to them. If anything I am just jealous.)

Don't forget to treat your mother with complete and utter respect today!

Wait... you should be doing that every single day!


**Oh and to all my aunts and female cousins who have children: happy mother's day to you as well!


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Tuna Fish Salad

What's that smell wafting through my nose right now... is it tuna salad, heavy on the mayo?...


Yes, yes, I do believe that's what it is. Well I cannot say I am enjoying that stench mixed with burnt coffee considering it's 10:30 a.m. but it does bring back memories...


When I was in 4th grade my mom thought she was trying to be nice by packing me lunch for school every day, little did she know she was actually torturing me worse than the torture that goes down in prison cells.


My mom would pack me... EZEKIEL BAGELS smeared with tuna and gross mayonnaise (not even the full fat kind, WTF). When I brought that brown bag of "humiliation" to school with me, I always set it far from my belongings because I didn't want ANYONE to know it was mine... but of course, they would find out sooner or later when I toted the bag (that was starting to leak tuna juices) with me to the cafeteria.




**Curious about the taste? Smear cardboard with mayonnaise - let me know how that goes!


Now while I hate wasting food, I certainly wasn't about to be caught DEAD eating that damn bagel. I mean common, tuna on a gross sprouted grain bagel - was my mom trying to make me the outcast!?!?!?!


So you know what I did with that "hippie" lunch? Tossed it in the trash can! (if only I was more creative when I was little, I mean I could have gone to the roof of the school and chucked pieces at people I didn't like or something) But I am actually surprised the trash accepted it, I am now envisioning the trash rejecting it, the sandwich flying into the air and bursting like a firecracker... and showering tuna bits all over my fellow students - Oh man, if only that really happened.

(Yeah, that's cat food but really the same thing as canned tuna)

Any ways, so yea... after tossing it out, I would mooch off of my friends. I mean their parents were cool, actual bagels with cream cheese, pp&j, popcorn... scrumptious kid foods, DUH! But eventually the teachers caught on to my food wasting behavior and made me... eat in their one of their classrooms under their watchful eye.


That was one socially fatal lunch! Let's just say when I went to a different school in 6th grade, I signed up for the cafeteria meal plan and rebelled against my mother... 6 sugar cookies and a strawberry shortcake ice cream EVERY SINGLE DAY!

(Quite possibly the most scrumptious sustenance to ever touch your tongue!)

BAH HA HA HA! Oh what a "lovely" flash back... It's FLASH BACK FRIDAY! TOP NOTCH.