Friday, April 22, 2011

Tuna Fish Salad

What's that smell wafting through my nose right now... is it tuna salad, heavy on the mayo?...

Yes, yes, I do believe that's what it is. Well I cannot say I am enjoying that stench mixed with burnt coffee considering it's 10:30 a.m. but it does bring back memories...

When I was in 4th grade my mom thought she was trying to be nice by packing me lunch for school every day, little did she know she was actually torturing me worse than the torture that goes down in prison cells.

My mom would pack me... EZEKIEL BAGELS smeared with tuna and gross mayonnaise (not even the full fat kind, WTF). When I brought that brown bag of "humiliation" to school with me, I always set it far from my belongings because I didn't want ANYONE to know it was mine... but of course, they would find out sooner or later when I toted the bag (that was starting to leak tuna juices) with me to the cafeteria.

**Curious about the taste? Smear cardboard with mayonnaise - let me know how that goes!

Now while I hate wasting food, I certainly wasn't about to be caught DEAD eating that damn bagel. I mean common, tuna on a gross sprouted grain bagel - was my mom trying to make me the outcast!?!?!?!

So you know what I did with that "hippie" lunch? Tossed it in the trash can! (if only I was more creative when I was little, I mean I could have gone to the roof of the school and chucked pieces at people I didn't like or something) But I am actually surprised the trash accepted it, I am now envisioning the trash rejecting it, the sandwich flying into the air and bursting like a firecracker... and showering tuna bits all over my fellow students - Oh man, if only that really happened.

(Yeah, that's cat food but really the same thing as canned tuna)

Any ways, so yea... after tossing it out, I would mooch off of my friends. I mean their parents were cool, actual bagels with cream cheese, pp&j, popcorn... scrumptious kid foods, DUH! But eventually the teachers caught on to my food wasting behavior and made me... eat in their one of their classrooms under their watchful eye.

That was one socially fatal lunch! Let's just say when I went to a different school in 6th grade, I signed up for the cafeteria meal plan and rebelled against my mother... 6 sugar cookies and a strawberry shortcake ice cream EVERY SINGLE DAY!

(Quite possibly the most scrumptious sustenance to ever touch your tongue!)

BAH HA HA HA! Oh what a "lovely" flash back... It's FLASH BACK FRIDAY! TOP NOTCH.

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